Our choices are the loom upon which the tapestry of life is woven. Just as a weaver carefully selects each thread, our choices intricately shape the pattern and texture of our existence. They are the threads that bind together the fabric of our reality, revealing the core worldview we hold within ourselves.

In this grand tapestry, our choices not only reflect our inner beliefs but also interweave with them, reinforcing the very frames through which we perceive the world. Like an artist's brushstroke upon a canvas, each choice leaves an indelible mark, influencing the larger picture of our lives.

Recognizing the profound significance of choicemaking, we realize that becoming proficient in this art is essential. It requires us to explore diverse domains, delving deep into the realm of ethics and understanding the interconnectedness of our decisions. Only then can we become skilled weavers, masterfully crafting a tapestry of good choice-making that reflects the beauty and integrity of our souls.

But what do I know? I’m just a 22 year old trying to find his way in the world, contemplating the deeper matters in life and trying not to fall in the many cultural traps along the way.

One way of relating to the Is-Ought problem is noticing how many of those around us accept facets of culture as the way things are. That you get a job, go in debt for college, work a full-time (likely now remote) job, sell your time for money, live for the weekends, and drink to relieve your stress, just to name a few of the assumptions. Even if we break out of a few of these assumptions, it’s unlikely that we entirely break free from cultural assumptions. There are just too many norms around us that shape our decisions, that to entirely break free from them would be almost unthinkable.

This is the Is-Ought problem. Because culture IS this way we mistakenly think that culture ought to be this way. Perhaps culture has gone mad. We should make our decisions on the basis of a better and more beautiful culture. One born of systems that actually afford human flourishing and not just pretend to support us.

But choicemaking is difficult because it’s different for everyone. One of the downfalls of broadcast media like youtube, tik tok and instagram is that millions of people watch the same videos. The content is not tailored. Sure it feeds the person that which is the most sticky, but it doesn’t show them how to figure out what will actually move the needle for them. More concretely, some people need more socialization, some have a higher sex drive, some need more solitude and alone time, some need more time in nature, others need success and impact in the world, some need to be deeply intellectual, while others are happy to live simply, some need huge amounts of autonomy and others are content being told what to do. Only you know what you actually need.

Then when we make a choice how do we know that it’s a good one? This question has been plaguing me for a while now. Because life is so multi-faceted and a good life requires a delicate balance between so many different components of my life — health, relationships, diet, work, impact, community, intimacy — how do I know that I’m not prioritizing one of these things at the expense of all the others?

Some Frames for Better Decision Making

There are a few different frames that we can use to figure out how to make better choices. By trying on these frames to contextualize your choices you may find one frame that seems to support you the most.

Sifting For Gold

This frame is likened to the process of refining gold. It requires sifting through the impurities of uncertainty and doubt to uncover the valuable nuggets of clarity and wisdom.

Goal: Our aim is to see how long we can sit with the uncertainty and let it be as it is, not desperately grasping for solidity in the form of beliefs or false uncertainty. Wee don’t have to know exactly why we’re making each choice, we can do our best to sense into the direction that we want to move in, but all the while holding onto it loosely.

The Chess Game

With this frame we relate to choices as complicated strategy. Just like a chess game, there’s no possible way that we can figure out all of the possible permutations of how the game will play out but this doesn’t mean that there is no possible strategy.

Goal: Our aim is to be as strategic as we possibly can about the choices we make. Thinking about the second and third order consequences of our choices. Taking a systemic lens, figuring out how this choice will interact with the multi-faceted landscape of our self. With this lens our goal is to think about the long term implications of our choices and to make calculated decisions.

Cooking

Making choices is like cooking a meal. Each choice is like an ingredient that we’re adding to our lives and the quality of the choice we make is based on how well it complements the other facets of our life and the whole landscape of choices we’ve made up unto this point. Our choices are context-dependent.

Goal: Our aim is to figure out based on where we’re at right now which ingredient would fit with the larger picture of the meal of our life.

Driving

Making better choices is like driving a car. We must steer away from distractions, stay on the right path, and navigate obstacles to reach our desired destination. Ultimately we know where we’re going, we just have to be warrior-like in tuning out all that doesn’t get us where we want to go.

Goal: Increase our skillfulness is saying No to all the things which sound cool but doesn’t actually move us in the direction that we want to go in.

Conclusion

I hope you found this helpful. By reading this you’re witnessing my own genuine attempt to make better choices in my own life. My process is always incomplete and a work in progress. This is just where I’m at right now. These thoughts are partial. They will inevitably change in the future. I really subscribe to the idea that what’s important is to engaging in the process of thinking more than coming to the most perfect and well-crafted conclusions. The more that I can engage in the process of thinking, the better.

If you’d made it this far I really appreciate you. Readers like you are what keep me going. My genuine hope is that these words can shape how you show up for your life for the better, whatever that may mean. And with time to become more effective at doing just this. Talking about the many facets of life and how they fit together in a holistic picture. My philosophy is that a good life requires showing up for the many facets of life and not just one or another. That our life should be a system of components that form a whole larger than the sum of their parts and that are in service of something larger than ourselves.